Remus tried to stand up, but his legs were shaking so hard that they could not support him. He dropped the gun and ran his hands over his face, smearing vomit and blood through the sweat. Remus looked over towards the body on the ground, and a few tears trickled from his eyes. its been so many years, yet i still killed him without even thinking about it.
He took several deep breaths, then managed to stand up and walk out of the alley. near the entrance to the alley he found josh rolled up into a ball and trembling.
"come on kid, its over. you're ok." Josh sat up, but didn't say anything.
"come on, lets go back to my apartment and forget this ever happened." This time Josh nodded, and got to his feet.
"oh man, you really messed yourself, huh? its alright, its alright, we'll get you cleaned up. come on, lets go."
They walked away from the alley in silence, leaving the grotesque scene to fade into the night.
As they approached watershed heights, they heard a man cursing aloud about clowns, and did he say nuns? Well Remus didn't know shit about nuns, but he knew too much about fucking clowns. Now it was time to blow those images out of his head. Remus took Josh up to his apartment, and while Josh showered and changed, Remus went out and bought another bottle of hard liquor, vodka this time.
The next morning, neither of the two could remember anything about the night before.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Five
The night was thick and dark, and the air had the consistency of tar. the only light came from the creepily bright carnival. the light seemed sickly, and didn't leave the confines of the carnival.
Remus walked out onto the street, and sniffed the air. It smelled like fear.
Remus took a breath and walked over to the gun and liquor store. The inside of the store was brightly lit, and there was a big black man behind the counter. Remus perused the selection of whiskeys, and settled on the cheapest available. As he walked to the counter to pay for his spirits, the clerk broke the silence.
"A lot of animals gone missin of late."
"oh yeah? thats odd."
"yeah man, must be somethin funny goin on. wouldn't hurt no one to be extra careful around town, if you feel me."
Remus turned to the handguns on the wall next to the counter, and lifted a weighty silver and black pistol from its resting position.
"I like the feel of this one. i'll take it."
Remus walked back out into the night, and came upon Josh walking down the street.
"hey old man, what are you up too tonight?" said josh.
"you know, same thing as last night and the night before."
"well you wanna come with me? i was just goin for a stroll, i wanted to feel this night."
Remus could feel the weight of the pistol in his breast pocket. the gun against his chest released him of his apprehensions. he decided to break from his habit of binging alone in his apartment.
The pair walked down the street in the direction of the carnival, with the glowing ferris wheel illuminating the horizon. they opened up the whiskey and were about half way through the bottle when a sound like crying came from an alley they were passing.
"did you hear that?"
"sounds like someone crying."
"we should go help them!"
"they'll be fine, lets just keep going." but josh had already started down the alley towards the sound. the alley took a turn to the right, and the light from the carnival disapeared. as they got closer to the source, it became evident that the sound was not crying. they both stopped in the half darkness and stared at a dark shape hunched over something in the corner of the alley. the cackling became louder as the shape turned its head, and they saw the face of the clown, its obscene make-up obscured by the blood around its mouth. the bottle fell from josh's hand and shattered as the clown stood up and revealed the dead dog on the ground behind it.
The clown pulled a meat cleaver from his blood splattered apron, and began to approach them. Josh let out a wail, and then vomited. Remus broke into a sweat and fumbled in his coat pocket for the pistol he had purchased.
"oh fuck! WHAT THE FUCK?!" yelled josh.
"shut the fuck up! Goddammit!" Remus barked as he clumsily shoved bullets into the cartridge. The perverse laughter continued as the clown came at the men. josh broke and ran.
The clown was feet from Remus, cleaver raised and arm cocked, when Remus lifted the pistol and fired.
The bullet hit the clown below its right eye, creating a dark pocket in its face, and blowing the contents of its head out into the night.
Remus fell to his knees and violently emptied his stomach.
Remus walked out onto the street, and sniffed the air. It smelled like fear.
Remus took a breath and walked over to the gun and liquor store. The inside of the store was brightly lit, and there was a big black man behind the counter. Remus perused the selection of whiskeys, and settled on the cheapest available. As he walked to the counter to pay for his spirits, the clerk broke the silence.
"A lot of animals gone missin of late."
"oh yeah? thats odd."
"yeah man, must be somethin funny goin on. wouldn't hurt no one to be extra careful around town, if you feel me."
Remus turned to the handguns on the wall next to the counter, and lifted a weighty silver and black pistol from its resting position.
"I like the feel of this one. i'll take it."
Remus walked back out into the night, and came upon Josh walking down the street.
"hey old man, what are you up too tonight?" said josh.
"you know, same thing as last night and the night before."
"well you wanna come with me? i was just goin for a stroll, i wanted to feel this night."
Remus could feel the weight of the pistol in his breast pocket. the gun against his chest released him of his apprehensions. he decided to break from his habit of binging alone in his apartment.
The pair walked down the street in the direction of the carnival, with the glowing ferris wheel illuminating the horizon. they opened up the whiskey and were about half way through the bottle when a sound like crying came from an alley they were passing.
"did you hear that?"
"sounds like someone crying."
"we should go help them!"
"they'll be fine, lets just keep going." but josh had already started down the alley towards the sound. the alley took a turn to the right, and the light from the carnival disapeared. as they got closer to the source, it became evident that the sound was not crying. they both stopped in the half darkness and stared at a dark shape hunched over something in the corner of the alley. the cackling became louder as the shape turned its head, and they saw the face of the clown, its obscene make-up obscured by the blood around its mouth. the bottle fell from josh's hand and shattered as the clown stood up and revealed the dead dog on the ground behind it.
The clown pulled a meat cleaver from his blood splattered apron, and began to approach them. Josh let out a wail, and then vomited. Remus broke into a sweat and fumbled in his coat pocket for the pistol he had purchased.
"oh fuck! WHAT THE FUCK?!" yelled josh.
"shut the fuck up! Goddammit!" Remus barked as he clumsily shoved bullets into the cartridge. The perverse laughter continued as the clown came at the men. josh broke and ran.
The clown was feet from Remus, cleaver raised and arm cocked, when Remus lifted the pistol and fired.
The bullet hit the clown below its right eye, creating a dark pocket in its face, and blowing the contents of its head out into the night.
Remus fell to his knees and violently emptied his stomach.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Four
The first time Remus met Josh was on the rooftop of watershed heights. Remus ventured out onto the roof to watch the first snow of the year fall on the city. He hadn't expected to see anyone else, but there was a young man lounging on a bench with a bottle of whiskey in one hand. Remus contemplated turning back, but decided that the stranger was likely to leave him alone.
Remus settled himself on a bench across the rooftop from the man, and began taking off his gloves to light a cigar. As Remus hunched over his cigar in a struggle to get it burning, the stranger stood up and made his way towards Remus.
"It must take quite a man to smoke a cigar that big alone," said the man. Remus said nothing. "Sure you don't want a little help?"
"I'm quite a man," said Remus.
"Oh come on, I've got whiskey to spare, and you've got more than enough cigar," said the man, and he sat down next to Remus. "This ain't exactly top of the line, but it'll keep you warm. My name is Joshua. I just moved in here,"
"You down on your luck? That's why most people move here."
"I've seen brighter days."
Joshua handed Remus the bottle, and took the cigar. Remus took a long swig.
"Haven't we all. But you know what? It could be worse. You see that guy down there?" He pointed to a man entering the building who was dressed in wizard robes.
"The one all dressed up like some kind of queer?" said Josh.
"Yeah. He thinks he's magic. When things get bad, I thank god for my sanity. If you lose your mind, then you have lost everything."
"But if you have lost everything, then you have nothing else to lose. I imagine it must be very freeing. That man down there doesn't look unhappy. I bet losing your mind is like meeting your best friend for the very first time. You don't realize what is to come, but it just feels natural."
"Believe me," said Remus, "your mind is a sanctuary. When you cannot find refuge in your own mind, you cannot find any peace."
"You seem to have thought about this quite a bit."
"I suppose I have. I could say the same to you."
"I guess I have, too. Say, I never got your name."
"My name is Remus. If you live here now, then I guess I'll see you around." Remus stood up and went back to his apartment.
Remus settled himself on a bench across the rooftop from the man, and began taking off his gloves to light a cigar. As Remus hunched over his cigar in a struggle to get it burning, the stranger stood up and made his way towards Remus.
"It must take quite a man to smoke a cigar that big alone," said the man. Remus said nothing. "Sure you don't want a little help?"
"I'm quite a man," said Remus.
"Oh come on, I've got whiskey to spare, and you've got more than enough cigar," said the man, and he sat down next to Remus. "This ain't exactly top of the line, but it'll keep you warm. My name is Joshua. I just moved in here,"
"You down on your luck? That's why most people move here."
"I've seen brighter days."
Joshua handed Remus the bottle, and took the cigar. Remus took a long swig.
"Haven't we all. But you know what? It could be worse. You see that guy down there?" He pointed to a man entering the building who was dressed in wizard robes.
"The one all dressed up like some kind of queer?" said Josh.
"Yeah. He thinks he's magic. When things get bad, I thank god for my sanity. If you lose your mind, then you have lost everything."
"But if you have lost everything, then you have nothing else to lose. I imagine it must be very freeing. That man down there doesn't look unhappy. I bet losing your mind is like meeting your best friend for the very first time. You don't realize what is to come, but it just feels natural."
"Believe me," said Remus, "your mind is a sanctuary. When you cannot find refuge in your own mind, you cannot find any peace."
"You seem to have thought about this quite a bit."
"I suppose I have. I could say the same to you."
"I guess I have, too. Say, I never got your name."
"My name is Remus. If you live here now, then I guess I'll see you around." Remus stood up and went back to his apartment.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Three
Remus stared across the street at the limo parked in front of the Vietnamese restaurant, Foo Food, across the street from Watershed Heights. As he looked on, an asian man in a suit got out of the back and walked into the restaurant. The chauffeur got out and lit a cigarette while leaning against the presumably empty car. Fucking gooks, Remus thought, as he lit his own cigarette and continued on his walk. The only Vietnamese restaurant in the whole city, and they had to build it right in front of my god damn apartment. He took a drag, and then turned back towards Foo Food, just in time to see the man in the suit exit the building with a briefcase in each hand. What the hell? he thought. The chauffeur let the man in, then climbed in himself, and the limo pulled lazily out of the lot and disappeared down the street. I'll be damned.. Wonder what kinda shit they got runnin' there...
Just then the heavens opened up, and an ocean of water fell from the sky. Cursing, Remus threw down his soaked cigarette and ducked into the nearest building. After shaking water from his soaked head, Remus took a look at the building he was in. Bottles of cheap alcohol lined one wall, and on the opposite wall there hung a wide variety of guns. Jesus Christ, it's a good thing I never came in here depressed! Cheap guns and cheap booze in one place, what kind of genius came up that one?
"Looks like you got rained on!" said the cashier. He was a short white man with a bowl cut and glasses. Remus turned to face him and gave him a blank stare before replying.
"Yeah, it's raining."
"About time! My lawn has been dying of thirst!"
"Interesting."
"Ha ha, well I certainly think so! Can i help you with something before i bore you to death? Haha!"
Remus turned his head towards the wall lined with guns. His eyes wandered up and down a few moments before he saw it. Near the top of the shelf hung a Nam era m16, the weapon he had clung to in ditches and held like a child's blanket as death crashed all around him.
"No, you can't help me," he said. He turned and walked back out into the rain.
Just then the heavens opened up, and an ocean of water fell from the sky. Cursing, Remus threw down his soaked cigarette and ducked into the nearest building. After shaking water from his soaked head, Remus took a look at the building he was in. Bottles of cheap alcohol lined one wall, and on the opposite wall there hung a wide variety of guns. Jesus Christ, it's a good thing I never came in here depressed! Cheap guns and cheap booze in one place, what kind of genius came up that one?
"Looks like you got rained on!" said the cashier. He was a short white man with a bowl cut and glasses. Remus turned to face him and gave him a blank stare before replying.
"Yeah, it's raining."
"About time! My lawn has been dying of thirst!"
"Interesting."
"Ha ha, well I certainly think so! Can i help you with something before i bore you to death? Haha!"
Remus turned his head towards the wall lined with guns. His eyes wandered up and down a few moments before he saw it. Near the top of the shelf hung a Nam era m16, the weapon he had clung to in ditches and held like a child's blanket as death crashed all around him.
"No, you can't help me," he said. He turned and walked back out into the rain.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Two
The inside of Remus's apartment looked much like the outside-like shit. There was rot in the carpet, the lighting was poor, and fleas abounded. Remus spent as much time away from this place as he could. He almost preferred park benches to nights in his own flea-infested bed. Still, it had a bathroom with functioning plumbing, a kitchen with a working stove for those rare occasions that he tried to cook anything, and of course it was a place for him to keep his belongings.
Remus entered the apartment, hung up his coat, and locked the deadbolt. He didn't trust his neighbors one bit. He walked into his kitchen and poured himself a drink. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he always had a drink before bed. He walked to his bedroom with his drink in hand. He undressed and stood before the mirror on the wall, contemplating his life.
The last 40 years of his life seemed to be a blur of empty days. For such a small portion of his life, his time in the army had defined the rest of his days. In the mirror he could see the tell tale signs of an old soldier-he had been shot in the leg, and had the scar to prove it. His eyes spoke of an old terror that had been replaced by nothing.
All this was obvious to his eyes, but anyone could see that Remus was old and tired. He had been tired ever since he came back from the war, and since he received checks from the government as compensation for his mental trauma, Remus had not occupied a job since.
For 40 years he had tried to forget, and it wasn't working. He wanted to do something real now, instead of the empty, meaningless things he had been doing for so long. Remus felt something lately, something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt like there was a spark in his soul. The feeling of restlessness had grown until he realized that he could no longer live life an empty shell. He yearned for something more in his life. But this tired old man did not yet know what it was.
He let out a sigh and headed towards his bed. As he lay down, he noticed his empty glass sitting on his dresser, and got back up to put it away. As he passed through his apartment on the way to the kitchen, something outside caught his eye. He went to the window and peered out. On the playground below, he could make out a man, fully grown, swinging on the swing set. The man appeared to be completely naked. Remus went to his door and checked the lock. Satisfied, he put his glass up and went to bed.
Remus entered the apartment, hung up his coat, and locked the deadbolt. He didn't trust his neighbors one bit. He walked into his kitchen and poured himself a drink. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he always had a drink before bed. He walked to his bedroom with his drink in hand. He undressed and stood before the mirror on the wall, contemplating his life.
The last 40 years of his life seemed to be a blur of empty days. For such a small portion of his life, his time in the army had defined the rest of his days. In the mirror he could see the tell tale signs of an old soldier-he had been shot in the leg, and had the scar to prove it. His eyes spoke of an old terror that had been replaced by nothing.
All this was obvious to his eyes, but anyone could see that Remus was old and tired. He had been tired ever since he came back from the war, and since he received checks from the government as compensation for his mental trauma, Remus had not occupied a job since.
For 40 years he had tried to forget, and it wasn't working. He wanted to do something real now, instead of the empty, meaningless things he had been doing for so long. Remus felt something lately, something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt like there was a spark in his soul. The feeling of restlessness had grown until he realized that he could no longer live life an empty shell. He yearned for something more in his life. But this tired old man did not yet know what it was.
He let out a sigh and headed towards his bed. As he lay down, he noticed his empty glass sitting on his dresser, and got back up to put it away. As he passed through his apartment on the way to the kitchen, something outside caught his eye. He went to the window and peered out. On the playground below, he could make out a man, fully grown, swinging on the swing set. The man appeared to be completely naked. Remus went to his door and checked the lock. Satisfied, he put his glass up and went to bed.
Friday, August 20, 2010
One
It was a dark and stormy night. He rubbed his hands together for warmth; it was cold, but the winter was just getting started. The night was lit by fires burning in garbage cans set around the camp, and, farther away, by flickering streetlights.
This trashy clearing behind the public park served as a home for the homeless during the cold season. Set behind the park's polluted pond, this camp was an appropriately gloomy habitat for the people that occupied it.
Remus huddled near a fire surrounded by other scroungy looking men. These people had all fallen victim to their own vices. Most of them would never get back on their feet. They would live out their wretched existence, and then die alone.
Remus wasn't a bit worried about that happening to him. He didn't really belong to these people, because he wasn't homeless. He came here when he was feeling down. The atmosphere helped him to get his head together, and straighten his thoughts. The clear night air always helped him to keep his ghosts at bay. Whenever he couldn't sleep, which was more and more often these days, he would come and sit around the fires. Likewise, whenever he drank, he came here to wear it off.
The bums all knew he wasn't one of them, but they left him alone. These people didn't need any more trouble.
With a clear head, Remus got up from the fire, and walked across the empty park to his apartment building.
This trashy clearing behind the public park served as a home for the homeless during the cold season. Set behind the park's polluted pond, this camp was an appropriately gloomy habitat for the people that occupied it.
Remus huddled near a fire surrounded by other scroungy looking men. These people had all fallen victim to their own vices. Most of them would never get back on their feet. They would live out their wretched existence, and then die alone.
Remus wasn't a bit worried about that happening to him. He didn't really belong to these people, because he wasn't homeless. He came here when he was feeling down. The atmosphere helped him to get his head together, and straighten his thoughts. The clear night air always helped him to keep his ghosts at bay. Whenever he couldn't sleep, which was more and more often these days, he would come and sit around the fires. Likewise, whenever he drank, he came here to wear it off.
The bums all knew he wasn't one of them, but they left him alone. These people didn't need any more trouble.
With a clear head, Remus got up from the fire, and walked across the empty park to his apartment building.
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